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crocodilian by ~prairiedaisy:iconprairiedaisy:

Categories Literature > Poetry > Human Nature > Open


                                                    if
                                                 i let it,
                                              all the old
                                          love and longing
                                        wells up in my eyes
                                      but i do not let it slide
                                     away like you tried; this
                                     i promise i won't forget.
                                       i will blink you away
                                          like saltwater in
                                                streams







                     of summers waiting to swallow our remnants.
©2008-2010 ~prairiedaisy
:iconprairiedaisy:

Author's Comments

take a deep breath, and cry.

suggestions are welcome. :)



(c) prairiedaisy 2008

Comments


love 0 0 joy 0 0 wow 0 0 mad 0 0 sad 1 1 fear 0 0 neutral 0 0
:iconlivingcomforteagle:
~livingcomforteagle Sep 20, 2008, 1:03:03 PM
oh god this is cool.

--
dark pictures, thrones, the stones that pilgrims kiss,
poems that take a thousand years to die;
but ape the immortality of this
red label on a little butterfly.
-vladimir nabokov
:iconr-mitchell:
~r-mitchell Sep 20, 2008, 1:49:54 PM
second that... really very awesome.

when i first read it i didn't see the last line at the bottom because of where my scrollbar was, and i actually really liked the cut-short feel, keeping entirely within the tear-drop structure.
i can see why you would want to keep the last line, but there might be a way of shortening it to make it more direct, or fitting it in the teardrop or something? (just thoughts...)

everything about the teardrop is brilliant, it's beautiful and almost desperate... the repetition of "if i let it" and "i do not let it" is really powerful... *stops rambling*
like it :)
:iconottersandsky:
Mood: Anguish ~ottersandsky Sep 20, 2008, 2:43:26 PM
:heart:

The teardrop is lovely and unique and you did this so prettily. It's sad to read.

:hug:
:iconprairiedaisy:
~prairiedaisy Sep 20, 2008, 3:49:48 PM
:glomp:

--
:idea: epiphanies are the spice of life.
:iconprairiedaisy:
~prairiedaisy Sep 20, 2008, 3:50:09 PM
oh Katie. you really do know. :hug: thank you :)

--
:idea: epiphanies are the spice of life.
:iconprairiedaisy:
~prairiedaisy Sep 20, 2008, 3:51:46 PM
thank you! :)

i've changed the last line a little bit - there's a reason it's there, though; and there's a reason why it's longer than the others.

--
:idea: epiphanies are the spice of life.
:iconottersandsky:
~ottersandsky Sep 20, 2008, 5:25:00 PM
My pleasure - well, my empathy.
:iconblueskye27:
*Blueskye27 Sep 20, 2008, 6:33:30 PM
Love the last line...
:iconpseudometry:
~pseudometry Sep 20, 2008, 8:21:17 PM
i will blink you away like saltwater in streams of summers waiting to swallow our remnants.
One of my favourite similes ever. It's very evocative. Great concept overall too, it works excellently.

--
'Beauty will save the world'
--Fyodor Dostoevsky
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