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Funereal by ~prairiedaisy:iconprairiedaisy:

Categories Literature > Poetry > Human Nature > Open


I see the ocean after
Months thin without the
Exuberance of waves

The sea here is  
Different.

It rushes in solemn
Ribbons lacing the
Coast like a widow’s
Corset choking a cry
At the wake.

I am the black coast;
Sail to me, for I shall
Coax the sorrow of
Your doom from mouths
Watered by tears.  They’re
All

Roses to me.
©2008-2010 ~prairiedaisy
:iconprairiedaisy:

Author's Comments

For cypriphobia's June challenge.

Prompt: fixed

I think this might be too loose an interpretation of the word fixed...let me know what you guys think. I'm also not entirely happy with the title. Suggestions?

Comments


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:iconpardonm3:
~pardonM3 Jun 5, 2008, 9:32:43 AM
Well, I get 'fixed' from the corset line.
Strong close.

Ah, I love this stanza:

It rushes in solemn
Ribbons lacing the
Coast like a widow’s
Corset choking a cry
At the wake.


And the title - perhaps something dark and sea-related? like Salt-reaper (hmm not too crazy about that one either...)
:iconprairiedaisy:
~prairiedaisy Jun 5, 2008, 10:18:59 AM
and the roses also.

i was also looking for something sea-related but failed to come up with anything...

--
:idea: epiphanies are the spice of life.
:iconcypriphobia:
~cypriphobia Jun 6, 2008, 3:31:08 PM
God I love that ending. As far as the title goes, I have no suggestions. I always have such trouble with titles.
:iconprairiedaisy:
~prairiedaisy Jun 6, 2008, 3:41:22 PM
the last line is actually serendipitous - i had to finish the poem quickly because it was getting to my stop [i was on the train going home from the airport] and roses just popped into my head.

i also have difficulty with titles...maybe i should just leave it?

--
:idea: epiphanies are the spice of life.
:iconpseudometry:
~pseudometry Jul 30, 2008, 3:16:46 PM
Beautiful description, love the tone of it too :)

--
'Beauty will save the world'
--Fyodor Dostoevsky
:iconprairiedaisy:
~prairiedaisy Jul 31, 2008, 5:54:59 AM
I'm glad you do. Thanks for reading (I had no idea anyone was even looking at my older work!)

--
:idea: epiphanies are the spice of life.
:iconpseudometry:
~pseudometry Jul 31, 2008, 5:13:23 PM
I found a link to that piece somewhere... can't recall.

--
'Beauty will save the world'
--Fyodor Dostoevsky
:iconprairiedaisy:
~prairiedaisy Aug 1, 2008, 2:53:01 AM
looks like thanks are in order somewhere, then :)

--
:idea: epiphanies are the spice of life.
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